Quotidian n°49 – This should also be number fifty but, again, layzay!

My couch, O joy! My bed, O paradise!

So, recently I’ve been watching quite a lot of those TED videos on Youtube, they are very interesting. A lot of different subjects that are debated about in conferences and shows, going from science to psychology and phylosophy with a bit of humor and a lot of clear and fun-to-listen-to explanations! If you haven’t tried one of these videos yet, please fo, it’s both enlightening any so many subjects but also very entertaining and helpful. I don’t remember what the acronym stands for, except for the E as in entertainment, but it really is a great concept that one has to see!

It’s given me much to think about after the last few videos I’ve watched and I find it really fun to have something to stimulate my mind like that with new, foreign or strange concepts and ideas like this. Plus, out of the many subjects they talk about in their videos, you can learn something new, useful and interesting in almost each of them. The one I didn’t learn anything from was with that one guy whose purpose was to not teach anything except how to act to seem interesting when you talk, and even with him I did in fact learn something.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about, though I don’t know if what I’m gonna say is going to be structured, was homosexuality. I’ve watched this video yesterday (cf. the end of this post) and I have found the intervention very interesting for two reasons: one, the guy (whose name I haven’t remembered, sorry) explained how he has learned to deal with other people’s view of his homosexuality and how he tried to contribute to make LGBTQ people, communities and rights get more attention, better understanding if not acceptance. But secondly he made me realize that when I was in highschool (probably college for some of you, what I mean though is school between the ages of 16 and 18) I couldn’t really imagine people being gay (or homosexual, I don’t know which term is the best).

What I mean by that is not that I didn’t even know about homosexuality, no, of course I did, I was aware that love or sexual attraction wasn’t always necessarily between a man and a woman. And I was fine with that, it didn’t bother me in the least that some people might prefer people of the same sex or that others felt as if they belonged to another gender, I knew about that and I accepted it without any problem or afterthought. Well, perhaps the idea of two men having sex together was a bit harder to accept for me than of two women, that perhaps being explained by the fact that I find women more attracting than men and that having two of them making out together is sort of a fantasy. Also I think I did not feel comfortable thinking about having sex with another man because, thinking about two men doing it, I had to picture myself as one of them and, I have to admit it, this did not seem as ‘hot’ as with two women.

I don’t know if what I’m saying here is clear, it is in my head but putting into words is harder than I thought so I apologize if it’s not as easy to understand as I hoped. I don’t mean to say I don’t like homosexuality or that I’m against it, nor that I’m disgusted but it (though I might have been at one point to be frank), but it is simply not what I’m attracted to and what excites me. Perhaps one day I will fall in love with or feel attracted to a man or a transsexual or someone else, I cannot know, but right now I’m attracted by women, especially the one I have the immense pleasure to call my girlfriend! So yeah, for the moment it’s more women than men.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about wasn’t my sexual orientation, even if it has a part in it I believe, because if I had been gay during highschool I think I would’ve seen things in a much different light. No, what I want to talk about is the fact that during highschool, thought I was aware of the concepts of heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality or pansexuality or asexuality or whatever else ends in sexuality, I didn’t really take it into account, and that is what took me aback while I was watching that video yesterday. I didn’t even think for a second about the possibility that people around me could be gay. Well, yes, I did think about it. But I didn’t imagine it seriously.

I had a girlfriend, my guy friends seemed into girls (for those I talked about it to), my very few girl friends either seemed to be into guys or had boyfriends. But I didn’t even question the fact that they were perhaps attracted by the other gender, when I imagined them I did so with the almost certain supposition that they were heterosexual. Homosexuality wasn’t a possibility apparently, as I remember it of course, my memory could be a bit faulty. And that wasn’t because I don’t accept people being homosexual, or should I say not heterosexual, but just because I didn’t even pause to imagine them being something other than ‘straight’.

There were a few girls, if I remember correctly, and perhaps one or two boys, that were openly or semi-openly showing they weren’t heterosexual (two of the girls were going out together I think) but not in my immediate circle of friends. Watching this guy doing this presentation has made me wonder if it was okay for me to think that way or if I should’ve been more aware of it at that time. It also made me wonder if, when I was younger than I am today, even if I’m still young, I didn’t do or say things that could’ve hurt people, if I wasn’t sort of homophobic? The answer to that almost scared me as I thought about it during the night, but I also realized that even if it was a problem then, things changed and it isn’t anymore.

I’m completely fine with non-heterosexuality, whatever one’s orientation may be it’s one’s own free choice to pursue it or not and it should remain that way, it shouldn’t be an issue to anyone. Homosexuality doesn’t necessarily mean attraction to all men, everyone has his preferences and the fact that a gay friend isn’t going to jump you just because you’re the same sex should be an evidence to everyone. I think that part of the hatred and fear of homosexuality comes from that, people are scared of what they don’t know and they don’t know what others are attracted to. I may have been a bit like this once and I sincerely hope I wasn’t a jerk about it.

Meh, I don’t know where I’m going with this, I just wanted to share my thoughts on this video and the fact that I realized I was somehow similar to some of the people that the guy (yeah, I’m calling him the guy, I’ll have to find his name again) tries to change or at least to show the light to, and that I regret ever being like that. I don’t think anyone should have to suffer for what they feel towards other people, attraction should have no shackled just as love has no boundaries. And, as some religious people like to say when it’s convenient: “it’s up to god to judge, not us”. I’m not a big believer but I do think that we have no say in the matter of attraction or love, our emotions are part of us and we can’t just suppress them, and no living being has the power to judge if it is wrong or right.

I think I’ve said everything I wanted to say so I’m going to stop there. Thank you for reading up to here and please forgive me for not always being clear I tried my best but it was a bit jumbled in my mind. Also don’t hesitate to comment if you have any thoughts about it and go check out TED on Youtube, it’s really interesting!

See you later people! ;)


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