Quotidian n°57 – Another day in paradise.

If life is a door, imagination is the key.

Today I have been doubting myself and the way I’ve been dealing with my stories until now. I have a lot of good ideas and a lot of motivation to work on them (even if it comes and goes by moments), but I don’t think I’m investing myself enough in writing them. Or at least I don’t think I’ve been investing myself the right way.

I have so many ideas, so many projects I want to work on and a different way to proceed with each. My problem is that I want to be able to get to the end of each one of them and I want to be able to do that right now. I have trouble being patient for things or working little by little, I’m either going all the way or not at all. And with my stories, with writing in general, that’s not how it works and that’s not how I’m supposed to do it.

The right way is the slow and steady way, right often, a lot and little by little the story builds itself. Piece by piece you can see it take form before your eyes. But I have difficulty working like that, I either write so many words in one go that I don’t want to touch my keyboard for the next few days or I don’t write at all for weeks. I’m currently trying to write five hundred words a day every day, but the only time I’ve managed to do it was three days in a row two weeks ago.

Since then I’ve written quite a lot, about two thousand words, but in a single afternoon. And I’ve spent the rest of the other days not writing at all. I do think about the stories and their plots however, almost all the time, I play the scenes in my head and try to imagine what could happen between the important moments in the plots. But while I do that I don’t write much, een if I have a lot to write about.

I feel this is a bit like a curse, I have the ideas and the way of writing that could make something great but I don’t have the motivation (not always at least) nor the discipline to apply this each day. I try to do it, but trying is not enough. I have to do it. Because as a great Jedi master once said, ‘Do or do not, there is no try’.

Today I’ve had new ideas for yet another story and for one that I have been thinking about for some time now but that I still haven’t got around to write yet. I’m really excited about them but I’m also a but depressed because I know that I won’t be able to write them as I want to write them soon. I know it’s just a matter of willpower but even if I have a lot more control over myself nowadays than I had before, I still have trouble following a writing discipline.

Procrastination is my curse. I often dream that I have a machine that would translate my thoughts and ideas for my stories directly into words, or even better, into images, so that I could share them immediately and exactly as I want them to be. Unfortunately I don’t have anything of the sort and I have to get myself motivated and disciplined enough to be able to finish my stories one day.

Anyway, today I was a bit depressed by that but, after a long moment spent thinking about it, I know what I have to do. I have to stop whining, stop pitying myself and sop procrastinating. The only way I’m going to succeed as a writer is by working hard to make it work. I have to discipline myself. It might require some trials and errors but I will get there one day and I will share that with you, dear readers!

Well, that’s it for today. No other posts once again though I assure you I am working one the next chapter of Stanley (yes, after all this time) and one a few other things that you should see online soon!

C U around! :P


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