Don’t dead, open inside.
Schrödinger’s poet or why I haven’t posted anything for a week.
The tl;dr and obvious/easy version of what I am going to say, e.g. the short one, is that I needed a break from writing for a while.
Now that this is out of the way let’s proceed to try to decrypt why I needed such a break and what it meant (because, if it wasn’t obvious before, I will make it painstakingly so right now: I haven’t stopped writing at all this past week, on the contrary, I may have even spent more time doing so than per usual). So why make it seems like a break then? Well, that is where the title comes in: Schrödinger’s poet, a simple yet very effective wordplay on the expression ‘Schrödinger’s cat’, coined after the thought experiment of the cat in a box full of radioactive poison, cat of which, as postulated, we cannot know the state of existence without opening the box, it is therefore alive and dead at the same time creating a paradox. That is the point I am trying to make here: the paradox of being a poet for me.
What do I mean?, I hear you say. Well, it’s quite simple actually. The less I write, the more I write; the more I write, the less I write. What I mean by this is that while I was writing poems – one every day – I was so focused on that everyday that I had very little energy or motivation to work on any other writing project that I have. And with A Ballad For Death coming to an end recently I thought I would catch up on that ‘lost’ time. Weirdly however I found myself continuing on the same track and rhythm of one poem a day. Why? Because I had no idea what else to do to ‘replace’ this concept and I wanted to keep the site active. Also because I think I am not ready to share the rest of my longer writings yet, none of them are fleshed out enough to do that. And so I found myself trying to find a new concept, which didn’t come, and in the mean time having to keep on stretching the already thin line of poetic inspiration that was mine. I don’t mean to say that I have no more idea, motivation or passion for poetry, on the contrary, I believe it will stay a big part of my work for a long time, but writing a poem a day… is damn exhausting! I think it is time to let this rest in the shades of a closet at the back of my mind for a moment, I have exhausted all my energy following this challenge to myself and, although I am very proud of what I have accomplished, I believe I should try to move on, if only a little.
So what ave I been doing this past week? Well writing poetry (Of course! What else?!), working on my old writing projects, reflecting on what I could do and even trying to keep up with a new NaNoWriMo ambition (which failed pretty quickly as, for the third year that I participate, I found out it is not at all my rhythm or my way of working and I found myself losing interest quite quickly… – not in the story but in the writing process.). I have also been taking some time for me, to reflect, time to do nothing, time to do other things, but, most importantly, I have managed to rest myself from the constant demand of renewing my inspiration each day for a few days and it has been sooooo agreeable! I’ve actually been able to work on what I wanted to write for some time now, not what I felt I had to write or something I forced myself to write. Because even if I take great pleasure and love working on poetry, making myself write one a day even when I felt I should have stopped already was difficult and I could feel I wasn’t as invested as I should be, or at least not when I needed to be. And that is very annoying. So yeah, writing, thinking, planning, pondering. A couple new projects, a few old ones. Some good old passionate thinking which did a great deal of good to my writer’s mind.
But, what now? Well, I don’t really know… All this reflecting has led me to think that I had to change things a little, try new projects (even if they fail), perhaps take time to look at the site’s organisation, which I have been meaning to simplify for some time now… So yeah, a number of things. I will probably share a few poems in the days to come because I have a handful new ones that I believe you could find interesting, but I might also try something else…. Perhaps those short stories I talked about the last time, or those writing prompts and concepts I sort of began all those months ago and never actually took the time to continue… The main point is that I still don’t know exactly what I am going to do but I have a better idea of what I want to do, which is equally important. So, yeah, I don’t know, but I am here and I will keep on following my creative drive so just stay tuned and see you soon! ;)
PS: I apologize for the lack of clarity of this post, but basically I was a bit down recently, I took some rest and am better now. I am back to do things, perhaps not as often but more in tune with my desires?
PPS: Also, question to those who have written this all the way to the bottom (thank for bearing with me): what would you want/like me to do/write about here? Any ideas? I’m open!