A Spider-theory: Schrödinger’s Spider-man

Everybody has heard about Schrödinger’s cat. And for the most part, people manage to picture the concept really well. To actually understand it is to take it a step too far, however. #QuantumPhysicsAreHard But that is not the point of this short essay – if I may be allowed to call it so. All you need to know is that the cat, as long as it remains in the box and no one checks inside, is simultaneously alive and dead. It’s that simple. Or is it? Yes. Yes, it is. At least for us, right now. You may be wondering where I am going with this, but relatively to the title chosen to crown this post, the point I am trying to make should begin to get more clear. If it does not, keep on reading, I swear it will neither be (too) long nor (too) complicated.

— WARNING! potential marvel related spoilers ahead, for those of you who have not been alive these past few years WARNING! —

Captain America: Civil War saw a brief apparition from Peter Parker, a.k.a. Spider-man, as a part of the main canon of the MCU back in 2016. Then, about a year later, Spider-Man: Homecoming reintroduced the character as an integral part of the MCU, after more than a decade in the hands of Sony (for what were good, very good, and then less good years. And then better ones to be honest). So the beloved character was back and in good shape and his own universe was coming back to life with him, in the form of movie follow-ups to that apparition in the MCU, in the form of a great animated movie, and even a very good video-game. And, as I saw it unfold before me, as I lived this sort of small renaissance for the character, I must admit I really enjoyed it.

Sam Raimi’s Spider-man is the first superhero live-action movie I ever saw, before Batman, Superman or Daredevil. I loved the 90s TV show (I’m too young to have known any of the previous ones) and I became enamored with Spider-man 2’s Gamecube adaptation with its very wide map, its great slinging physics making it so satisfying to move around, and some of my now favorite characters in that universe: Black Cat, with whom I fell in love (her black suit, silver white hair and provocative charm); and Mysterio, who will always, despite being a villain, hold a dear place in my heart, along side The Phantom Menace’s Qui-Gon Jinn, as one of the coolest characters from my childhood (the dude has a ridiculous but oh so cool B-movie villain type suit, and holographic powers! What can I say, magic is magical).

Now, this bit of backstory wasn’t necessary per se, but I felt like I had to give it to you, dear reader, so that you would better understand my point of view.

So, as I was saying, Spider-man sort of came back into the world’s good grace over the last few years. And, when Avengers: Infinity War rolled in, and he died *wink wink* at the end, everyone was sad. Me included. I did not shed a tear for poor Peter – I don’t cry a lot, the last time a tear rolled on my cheek was when I re-watched the episode where Marschall’s dad died in HIMYM, and I hadn’t cried in years before that – but I did feel the emotion of the scene, and it was good. The movie was surprising, in many ways, not all great, but overall it was a very pleasant experience. And having that feeling of doom at the end, even if for only a moment, as we all know they are going to make things better in Endgame, was indeed satisfying.

But Spider-man died. Poof! He bit the dust. Or, actually, the dust bit him. And that is where I want to go, with this. As of Infinity War, Peter Parker is dead. And having that information, along with the names of others who have passed (King T’challa and Nick Fury, among others), was perplexing. I didn’t quite believe they would keep him dead, they couldn’t all be definitely dead, they had to come back somehow. To be honest, I feared this knowledge would ruin the movie to come, but, in retrospect, it didn’t. The how they would come back, and the who would actually come back (as I have a feeling some might not) or, at least, who would take their place in death, were questions that kept me interested and entertained over the months. It was very cool to read and discuss theories, to learn how that story-line had gone down in the comics, what was different, what seemed to be hinted in the progression of the movies, in the teasers, the trailers, etc.

Then they announced Spider-man: Far From Home. And they said it would be direct sequel. And that frustrated me. I would like to say it frustrated me real bad, but eh, I must be getting old and disinterested in everything because it was more like a mild inconvenience. But still an inconvenience compared to Infinity war. Now we knew. Spider-man was going to be alright. It didn’t ruin Endgame, but it did take away some of the suspense, at least for me. They also announced Mysterio would be in it, which I found cool – as I really like the character – and then, later, that Jake Gyllenhaal was cast for the role. It managed to hype me up, but not as much as I was for Endgame (and I wasn’t that hyped for that one either at the time).

But then, Venom came out and I went to see it. Now, I had heard about the project and that it wouldn’t really be connected to the MCU, just a stand alone movie [one to try to jump-start a franchise, but a standalone none the less], still, I had hopes. Sony and Marvel (Disney) had managed to find a common ground with Homecoming, why not there too? Sadly, it was not to be. Venom is alone – and perhaps it did disserve the movie – and it seemed to be set to remain that way. Seemed.

Now, don’t take my word for granted, this is just a wild idea, a theory, one in which I don’t even believe wholeheartedly, but which I find interesting enough to share.

I say it seemed, because, as you may – and by now, should – know, there were two scenes during and after the credits of Venom. The first one, and least interesting here, introducing Carnage, seemingly out of nowhere. To this day I still don’t know how I feel about that – both about the character being there and its introduction, and about Harrelson as the actor behind it. The second, the more interesting one here, this one :

A teaser of the then upcoming Spider-verse movie – a very good one by the way, go see it, it is absolutely worth it! I had heard about the project and I was hyped about it, I just never expected to see that footage after Venom.

It did not change my life, but it did make me think. What if…? Then I saw the Spider-verse movie and it was… great. Really great. But, to stay focused on the point I am trying to make, it put in place the notion of alternate universes (showing a number of them to us through the different characters) and it was a collaboration between Marvel and Sony, meaning they were perhaps, just maybe, making a literal middle ground between the MCU and Venom’s universe with this one. And that was what made me think even more. What if they had done it, the madlads? What if, this simple caption at the beginning of the scene at the very end of the credits of Venom was supposed to mean a lot more than it did? Some time passed, and I don’t remember if I saw parts of the teasers/trailers for Far From Home before or after Into the Spider-verse, but after becoming privy to that information and mulling it over, the hype sort of hit me, and the full extent of the theory – which I spent far too long to build up and which I am going to expose right now – came to me.

Now, one final thing before I explain it. What motivated to write this [I realize it now] huge-ass thing is this video, from Austin Mcconnell, where he exposes a theory of his in which he says the Far From Home movie is not real and is simply some misleading promotion stuff designed to make us think Endgame is going to happen another way than it actually is… Personally, I don’t really believe that, although after part of the trailer footage from Infinity War (with Hulk appearing in it, for example) not being featured in the movie at all, one can wonder.

I don’t really feel this is the case though. It might be, but I don’t think so. My heart tells me Gyllenhaal’s Mysterio is really going to happen. It has to happen. Please. I want Mysterio… Anyway, I don’t think this theory is right, but mine is strangely sort of related to it. So, without further ado, here is the madness I propose:

What if Spider-man, Peter Parker, the one from the MCU in Infinity War & Endgame, is not the same as the one in Far From Home? What if Far From Home, takes place in an alternate universe? One with a different Peter Parker and different characters and different events?

I know it is far-fetched, and very weak as a theory, but imagine what a surprise it would be! Spider-man still gone at the end of Endgame, never to come back (maybe), and a different yet very similar one very much alive, in a different universe, with a more or less different timeline… Or even another version of this: our Peter Parker transported to that alternate universe but without really realizing it and having to struggle to come back (or, yet even to come to terms with the fact that he can never come back). The prospect of that feels really cool, it does in my mind at least. We’d have a true sad moment with Endgame, and a strange melancholic follow-up with Far From Home, all this with more serious consequences and without ever seeing it coming. (Well, except for this right here, of course.)

And that could mean a whole new set of open doors: one between MCU’s Spider-man and Sony’s Venom, and even, perhaps, connecting all of it to the Spider-verse… So many possibilities, so many ideas, and so much hype! Now, I don’t know if that is what will happen, I don’t know which of the two theories between Austin Mcconnell’s and mine is the most outlandish, I don’t know how far Marvel and Sony are willing to go with this, but just imagine… what if?


Thank you for sticking with me until the end despite the outrageous length of this “short piece of an essay”, I hope you enjoyed the trip!

So yeah, this is sort of Schrödinger’s Spider-man, because as long as we don’t watch the upcoming movies, Spidey is alive and dead simultaneously.

What do you think about all this?

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My art, your art

Art belongs, in my mind, as much to the artist as it does to the audience but in different ways.

A creation is completely dual in the way it can never be separated from its creator if one wants to understand it but at the same time it doesn’t need any context to be appreciated for what it is, to be given value. So being able to determine to whom it belongs in the end – to the author who created it with some intention behind it or to the reader who gives it his or her own meaning? – is very difficult.

Some say a creation belongs solely to the creator and cannot be dissociated from them. But what do you do in the case of someone who did things or thinks things that are completely opposite to your way of living? Can you still appreciate their art? What about Hitler’s paintings? Are they still art, knowing what he has done? Can you really enjoy Edgar Allen Poe’s POEtry (see what I did there? #lol) without knowing the tortured soul he was? Or The Rocky Horror Picture Show without knowing the political/cultural context of the time?

And others that it belongs to the readers/viewers/public who enjoys that art. But what if they use it in a way that was not designed by the author and that might contradict his or her view of their art? Or what if they change it from its original form to make it ‘better’ or more ‘politically correct’, can it still be considered as having the same meaning, the same impact as the original work? What if they read the meanings wrong or attribute it false ones?

How does one define the line of property for a piece of art (whatever it may be)?

I don’t have an answer to that question, I don’t know for sure. But It’s something that I think about quite frequently. I believe that, just as life in general is complicated, it is the same for art. There are so many different cases and scenarios… What I think I am able to say right now is that a creation should be able to stand on its own to a certain extent, that the public should be able to find beauty/interest in a piece of art just by experiencing it. And then, if they learn how it was created, what it means or what the artist wanted to represent with it, then the art piece can only become even more beautiful/interesting. So it’s paradoxical. The art and the artists are two different things that should be separate but at the same time completely merged together, thus creating a great piece.

I’d like to finish on the fact that I, for one, often insert meanings and references in my art (if I dare call it that), some of which are obvious and others are hidden from the public eye. There are some references I want my public to get, whether I hide them or not, then there are some that I design so that only people privy to the knowledge of my person will get, and then there are some that I insert here and there that may seem comprehensible and obvious (or not at all) but that no one except me will probably ever get. There are many layers to [my] art and I love that about it.

Now, I also think that, beyond what I meant to say, to make people understand through what I write (for example) I people should be able/free to understand/take out what they want from my creations. They are made to make you think, feel and be interested but not just in the way I designed them to be, also int he way you want them to be. And we come back to the paradoxical concept of art here because I want my creations to carry a message but at the same time I want them to be understood on a personal level by each individual who discovers them and in their own original way too.

Is there an answer to this in the end? I don’t, and probably never will, know if I am truly succeeding in this venture but I do truly hope that I do because that makes everything more beautiful. All I can hope is that some people do enjoy discovering and experiencing it as much as I enjoy making it.

PS: I realize now that I haven’t spoken about context until now but it is very important in my opinion. Because the context in which I write (or any artists creates) adds meaning and intent to a creation and so does the context in which people discover said art, it can change something beautiful into something ugly and despicable or inversely.


Sorry if this appeared as a bit of a rant or if it was incomprehensible, I just wanted to put into words what I was feeling and I pray that I did it in a sufficiently coherent manner. Also, example might have been a bit weird, I know…

What you write is not what you are…

Well not always anyway.

A writer doesn’t always write about how they feel or about how they think or view the world, not exactly. Writing isn’t always an open letter to one’s soul. Sometimes it’s less than that: Just a fun way of escaping daily thinking and routine. Or more than that, like a profound analysis of one’s psychology, moods and soul. But other times it’s something different, something that isn’t exactly them (or me or you), something that fills us, that passes through us, that uses us as a means of reaching others.

Sometimes, for a writer, writing is a vessel for foreign emotions. Fabricated emotions, borrowed emotions, emotions that are empathized… Emotions that aren’t ours, that do not belong to us but that we feel anyways. A writer acts a bit like a channel for these emotions.

I am not sad or happy, I don’t feel trapped or wings grow just because I write so. Perhaps I do, perhaps I don’t. Perhaps a bit of both. Perhaps not. Writing is a mash of a lot of things and a bit of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff that we don’t always understand or think or feel but that we put into words anyways because it seems the moment to do so.

Writing is something you do to express yourself but not necessarily to express your self. This is something important that I have learned by participating in writing classes: never consider the protagonist of a story (or the subject or theme of a story) as the writer themselves. Try to think of it more like a mirror, a projection, something the writer decided to write about and that is dear to them, holds meaning, but doesn’t define them. The point of view of a character in a story is not the point of view of the author, so it is not to be refered as so.

True, as an author your ideas, thoughts and opinions often end up in your characters but that doesn’t mean that everything the story expresses is what the author wants to express or tries to convey. Sometimes, when writing, one even conveys things they didn’t even want to convey. Art is made to make people feel, think and reflect. Sometimes it expresses ideas but always remember, art and artists are a very clearly separate duo, even if they are completely fused together.

This was just a small rant to try to clarify this for all of humanity. Here’s the tl;dr you have to learn from this: ‘I am not what I write. Mostly.’. Maybe it sounds stupid, unnecessary or incomprehensible (I apologize if it does) but I felt it was something important to say and I wanted to express it.

Thank you for reading and understanding.

Elementary my dear Johnson.

Oh, was it Watson? Sorry Watsy- uh, I mean, Johnny… *bad smile*

Soooo, yeah. I’ve just finished watching the third season of the amazing tv series Sherlock and it was… well, amazing! :D (Warning! This may contain spoilers so read it at your own risk! :P)

Now, I’m not writing this to review the series because firstly I love it so it would only be praises for it, and also because it would take so much time that I don’t have to courage to do it. No, what I am writing this for is because of my reaction to the last seconds of the last minutes of the last episode of the last season that recently was broadcasted recently. Of course I have to say that it was awesome but that maybe not everyone will love it as much as I did as it is much more centered on the characters of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson than in te previous seasons. The great mysteries and deductions, though still present, have left the spotlight a bit to focus on the characters’ personalities and interactions with each others. Frankly I loved it, the stag night and the wedding were so much fun to watch, the reunion between the two protagonists and the french waiter were just hilarious and the mind palace scenes were really exciting! Also Mycroft is more present and we get to see the two brothers’ parents and that is priceless! But it is true that it lacked a bit of suspense and mystery which might displease, or have displeased, some of you but I, for my part, really enjoyed it.

Now, what I want to talk about is not the series per se but the feelings that I had as the season came to an end. As you may or may not know the first episode picks up on Sherlock’s trick and the death of Moriarty and the last episode ends on Sherlock leaving by plane after killing Magnussen. Now, I caught on Magnussen’s trick as slowly as a snail, I guessed he had a supercomputer linked to his glasses at first, guess which switched to a chip in his brain when Sherlock tried them. But I only understood it was his mind when he agreed to take them into his vaults, so slow… Now that was quite a fun twist but I also immediately understood that he was going to have to die if they were to ‘delete’ the information about Mary. What I didn’t expect until he pulled the gun was for or dear detective to shoot him himself. Now that was surprising too but also a bit disappointing as it led to Sherlock’s arrest and departure by plane for a suicide mission in europe. I thought ‘ oh, and here’s season two’s finale all over again, he goes, dies (this time in europe) and comes back to life… great…’, I must admit I was disappointed indeed, but not for long. For as soon as the plane took of the scene jumped back to Mycroft and I knew something as up, but what? And my mind went all ‘mind-palace-experience-while-I-get-shot-to-decide-how-I-fall-to-increase-my-chances-of-survival’ and thoughts raced through my mind. Who was it? What was going on?

At that moment,  the excitement of the whole season and the great episode had died down a bit, I wasn’t sure what to think. Was that it? Was he going to leave just like that and pfwit… over? No, of course not, the feeling that something cool had to happen to make us want to watch season three slowly crept inside me and I was proved right! :D

So Mycroft gets the call and a voice says  something to him that we can’t hear. He then turns on the monitor and at that point I know he will have to cal Sherlock back. Now, I know that I’m not describing my reaction nor the emotions that I felt at that moment too well but… to put it clearly it was really quite some disappointment up to that point, but then as the phone rang the excitement came back. I must say, by the way, that when I’m excited over a series or a book I usually express it by shouting, dancing and other wide and wild gestures, which I was starting to do at that time as I was like ‘Oooooooh, this is going to be good’ while clapping in my hands. Yes, I do that from time to time, no worries, I’m just crazy is all… :P Even more when it’s a story I really enjoy (cf Sherlock, Doctor Who or Person of Interest).

Back to what I was saying. So, the phone rings and someone tells Mycroft to watch TV, he turns it on (yes, TV in a car… how great, I want one!) and almost immediately his face expresses utmost disbelief. That’s when it started to click in my head, and I believe in most of the other viewers’, ‘Oh. My. God. Something big is happening!’. Then it skips to Sherlock, he get’s Mycroft’s call, says a little joke about how his holidays were awesome and then back to Mycroft. At that point several theories had sprouted in my mind already. What evil could have forced Mycroft to call Sherlock back? Irene Adler gain? Nah, I don’t think so. Another ‘Moriarty’ or the man himself (which I had been praying for since the end of season 2). And my expectations were nt betrayed! The short but thrilling ‘did you miss me?’ had me speechless and soooo frustrated. I think that was the time I bugged my brother, who was sitting next to me at that point, the most during a tv show. I kept opening and closing my mouth like a fish, unable to formulate a coherent sentence. And then I started repeating over and over ‘no way, no way, no way, no way!’. And finally the after credit scene gave the final push to the nail and I was left there, speechless, frustrated, so excited and extremely happy at the same time. I don’t know if you have ever felt this thrill while reading or watching stories unfold like that but it’s truly awesome!

This is what make Sherlock, Doctor Who and all those series, books, mangas, audio sagas (yes, you may not know of its existence but audio, or mp3 sagas are truly awesome too [well, in french at least, as we seem to have a lot more that any other countries :P]) so cool and so addictive. Who didn’t cry on the evening of the Red Wedding? Who didn’t scream like a fangirl when we learned who Ace’s father was? Who didn’t shout out of frustration on the cliffhanger that left us The Mark of Athena? Hmm? Who dare to contradict me?! Now, I know I’ve basically been ranting all along in this post but please, allow me to finish. The feeling that the authors, directors and actors try to convey to the readers, viewers or listeners are true and they are so awesome, and that is what I try to do in my stories, to make you feel happy, sad, surprised or even frustrated while and after reading them, but it’s not always easy. Though the greatest authors I think are those that can achieve that!

To finish on Sherlock, I’d say that I had about the same reaction as when I watched the ending of season 6 of Doctor Who (which was awesome) and therefore, even if it’s changed a bit over time it’s still as awesome as series as ever! The only down point though was the fact that we didn’t see Irene Adler too much (I hope we’ll see her again, if not then I’ll be as depressed as when she died in the movie version… [I really hope she’s still alive though…]), only in the mind palace scene, but other than that it was great!

Yup, that’s all folks! You can now rest in peace, I finally leave you alone! (For the moment at least! :P)

Ps: What I love in Sherlock is how all the little cases and details always lead to a bigger picture. Like the episode with Irene getting Sherlocked where all the weird cases in the beginning led to that plane that was supposed to be bombed), that is also something that feels awesome to watch! Just as much as the end of the episode where Sherlock understands the password!

PPs: Oh, wand the Elementary version of Sherlock Holmes is not bad either, I thought it would just be a way to compete with Sherlock but it seems quite good too, though I have to watch some more to be absolutely sure! :P


I wrote that quite some time ago now, back when Sherlock season 3 came out…

It's been 84 years..

So yeah, might be a little outdated but still mainly my thoughts on the show!

So I’ve been watching…

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So, yeah, I’ve watched a lot of tv series and movies along the few years since I’ve been around and if there is one thing that has piqued my interest, making me both very happy and extremely annoyed, it’s their unrealism.

Before going any further, I don’t mean the stravangaza (yeah, I’m fooling you all into thinking I’m a highly literate person! ) of the plots or the unbelievable things the creators add to make them interesting. I love movies with super powers, supernatural happenings or simply people who are to the peak of human physical abilities, no I do love that. What bugs me is how they always seem to get out of supposedly unescapable situations. Surrounded by ten soldiers with guns pointed at your chest? Don’t worry, you’ll manage with a swiss knife and a bit of protagonistic luck…

Okay, this is interesting and this is often what makes me read a story, how the main character can beat up twenty guys by just flicking his little finger. I know that comics are full of these kind of characters, who are over powered or that seem to always escape death. But, come on ! There are some things that are not supposed to be escapable, things that should wound you or things that you should at least take notice of. I’ll take the most recent example I have in mind : Revolution. Great series, not the best I’ve ever seen, but very enjoyable. Futuristico-apocaliptico-back-to-the-wildo type of story where every source of electricity has been nullified and people have to live without it. Oh no, there’s nothing wrong with the plot, it’s an awesome idea. But seriously, no one cares about the nuclear power plants? Okay, the main characters are OP, they can escape from multiple rains of bullets, surely fired by ex-stormtroopers, survive multiple near fatal injuries and all the while decimating the enemy’s forces, that I’ll accept. But one of these things killed thousands of people when it blew up and you mean to tell me that those hundred nuclear reactors on american soil ALL remained in tip-top shape and that not one of them blew up or leaked?! Now THAT’s what I call unrealism…

Oh, as a matter of fact the “near fatal injuries” thingy does bother me. How come the enemy dies of on bullet to the stomach in less than ten seconds and the main characters get to survive three bullets to the torso, stand up and shoot back before fainting and STILL surviving in the end? I know, I know, “they are the main characters”, but still… That is an example of why I love Game of Thrones. People die. Main characters die. It’s sad but it’s much more fun! By the way, in Revolution (SPOILER!!! skip to next paragraph to avoid it) why does Danny die if he has the device that manages to heal his mother in mere seconds in his chest? Device which is programmed to heal his chest due to his malformation at birth. (Unless I’m wrong, in which case, my deepest apologies.)

I’m conscious I’m being a party pooper here but really, is it always necessary to go that far in the unrealism? Some stories aren’t made for realism but really, couldn’t the main characters take a longer break when they’re hit by a bullet? Same bullet that would’ve killed a bad guy I must add! And why do bad guys always have miraculous bad aim? Couldn’t they hit the main characters a bit more often? They wouldn’t even care, give them a few minutes and they are up and fighting again anyways… And when the characters die… Oh my god… Can someone really die from a bullet wound in the stomach in less than ten seconds when their friend is trying to help stop the bleeding? And why do they always come just before the guy dies so that he can tell them his last words, make an awkward dying pause and then die? Why can’t they arrive a bit late for once? Or why can’t the dying character take hours to die and they have to wait and they fall asleep en if they don’t want to and when they wake up he or she is dead? That would be so much better than “I’m here Katty! OMG you’re wounded to the stomach, you’re gonna die!” “Yes John, I know, tell my wife I love her…” “Okay…” *Awkwards pause* *Dies* *John cries* Well at least having to stay by the friend’s side for hours or long minutes until he dies would be so much better in my mind… Or is it simply that they speed up the process in movies? I dunno… I don’t even know where I was going with all this anymore, I’m too upset… (damn it!)

Oh yeah, I was rambling about this because when I write I like to keep the realism in my stories. I mean that in a proportionate way, that means that if I want to add purple dragons that shoot marshmallows out of their claws I will, but simply that if a character is faced with an impossible situation he might have a lot more difficulties getting out of it. And if he dies then either he has time to say his last words and dies slowly or he dies instantaneously. I love super powers and I have a really hard time adding them in the story I’m writing right now and keeping them realistic. Anyways, I’m running out of rambling material so I think I’ll stop for the moment, and maybe come back to it later, but for now I need to get back to writing…

Thank you for reading if you did, I hope I didn’t bore you to death. If you have any reaction to share don’t hesitate, I’d love to know! ;)

See ya later, alligators!

Midnight philosophy without reason

This is a little something I wrote one late night some time ago and that I just found again, just wanted to share it with you. Enjoy!


Mais parmi les chacals, les panthères, les lices,
Les singes, les scorpions, les vautours, les serpents,
Les monstres glapissants, hurlants, grognants, rampants,
Dans la ménagerie infâme de nos vices,

II en est un plus laid, plus méchant, plus immonde!
Quoiqu’il ne pousse ni grands gestes ni grands cris,
Il ferait volontiers de la terre un débris
Et dans un bâillement avalerait le monde;

C’est l’Ennui! L’oeil chargé d’un pleur involontaire,
II rêve d’échafauds en fumant son houka.
Tu le connais, lecteur, ce monstre délicat,
— Hypocrite lecteur, — mon semblable, — mon frère!

— Charles Baudelaire

***

It’s a little past three in the morning here in France but I am still up, listening to music and procrastinating in front of my computer, and it is during these hours, when the world is as silent as death, that I feel the most inspired. Why is that? Perhaps it is the night surrounding me or the feeling that I’m alone on this earth, I don’t know, but it’s a mix of melancholy and happiness, excitation and fatigue. It is a very strange state of mind that makes you think about things that you wouldn’t think about in usual situations. It has the same effect as the shower or going to the restroom: one develops a philosophical spirit in these situations for some strange and unknown reasons. I tend to think it’s because in these moments we feel freed, for a few minutes, of all the problems and thoughts trapped in our heads and we allow ourselves to think about other things, to see the world differently. Maybe it is also because we are bored during these moments and we try to feed our minds with complicated questions.

In these times I think about things like the fate of the universe, the reason of our existence and sometimes it frightens me as I try to imagine what the world will be after I have passed away, after I am not part of it anymore. It scares me to think that one day I will cease to exist and that I won’t even be conscious to know that I have ceased to exist. I fear boredom. Not boredom in the usual sense, Boredom, with a capital B, as Baudelaire describes it. Boredom that waits patiently for you, the Boredom that fills your life and that you try to forget by distracting your mind off of it. It scares me a lot. But as I think about it I can’t help but put things into perspective and tell myself that I still have a long life to live and many things to do.

I think about my stories, those I have finished (the one actually), those I’m writing and those I might write. I dream to become a great writer, to publish my stories for thousands of people to read, but I know I still have work to do. Sometime I even dream to become a poet, like Charles Baudelaire. I don’t know if you, dear reader, have heard of him, but to my mind he is one of the greatest french poets of all time. I can’t stop from admiring the quality and the complexity of his work, every time you read his poems there is new content to be found. Unfortunately he wasn’t recognized as such until long after his death and that angers me a bit because he had real talent. Sadly not every great artist, or great man in general, is recognized in his time.

Don’t ask me why I’m writing this, I have no idea, I just felt like rambling a little and telling people about Baudelaire a bit, to get you to know him. I also wanted to talk about how I feel linked to his writings sometimes, he is one of the rare poets that I enjoy reading, even if his writings are not the most joyous ones. And he also symbolizes the quality of work that I want to reach with my stories and that I hope to achieve one day. It’s time for me to go to sleep but I still don’t wish to go, I want to stay up and write all night, I want to work with this feeling as long as I can, but I know that it’s not possible and soon day will rise and I will lose this sensation. I can only hope that, as tomorrow is a new day, it will also be a new night.

Writer thoughts about writing

As a reader, or perhaps a writer your self, you may have a certain idea of what an author’s vision about his story is like. A few years ago, before I really started to work on my ideas and try to put them down on paper, I had such a vision (which I kept for a long time and only recently realized it might not always be the case): to me an author (but it also applies to any other creations) is the master of his world, everything they say is considered ‘canon’ in the story, no matter if it is good or bad. They are the ones who imagined the universe, the characters and the whole plot of the story they tell (whether it’s inspired by real events, like historical books, or based off another story or completely made up, doesn’t matter) and so they are the ones who can whatever they want about the story, and that despite all that other people might say.

A few examples of this are when J.K. Rowling said that in her mind Dumbledore was gay, fact that was not ever mentioned in the stories though it may have been implied a little. It was quite a controversial announcement and many people were not okay with that. The fact is, however, that it’s her universe, whatever she imagines in the books is her decision and cannot be contested. Criticized yes but never contested. It is fact. Or when George Lucas imposed his changing vision of the Star Wars franchise on his fans, changing beloved details to satisfy the image of the movies and the universe he had. Perhaps it’s not exactly the same but to me they have the right to do that, it is, after all, their universes and their creations. I, myself, don’t condone all the decision Lucas made for example, a lot of the CGI that was added afterwards takes out the nostalgia and the charm of the original movies, but I respect it is his decision to offer his ‘true’ vision to his fans. However I also support the fact that he should allow people to have access to the ‘original movies’, when they were still untouched or barely changed. Not just to please them but also because it feel right because they were still good at that stage, perhaps even a bit better than before being changed. Plus it might be financially very profitable to the owner of the licence.

Anyways, this is just to say that an author is the reigning decision maker about his own stories or universes! But one cannot forget that it is also the fans that make the story popular and give the author credit by loving it and making it known. The fans take the universe and make it their own, each person takes it for themselves, that cannot be denied. Still, the author is ultimately the one who decides what comes out in the end, and that should always be independent of the fans, it should his or her own decision. As a fan you have to respect that. I know it’s hard, I for one had trouble accepting that when I read the end of the Inheritence cycle, I was so frustrated by how Paolini had decided to end the cycle, it didn’t feel right because there were still so many questions and things that hadn’t been explored… Or when I read Incarceron, a very good book in two parts by Catherine Fisher, and I found out at the end of the second book that the story ended like that despite me wanting something else so desperately… Yeah, it was hard. It took me time to get over it but, and I think starting to write my own stories helped, we all have to understand that an author has a precise vision for what they want to create and there is nothing we can do about it (especially when it’s already done), it is how it is. Just like real life. You can’t always get what you want, despite how hard you wish for it, so you come to terms with it and keep moving on.

This leads us to the point I wanted to make here. As and author I have realized that I have a precise vision of what I want to make but also that I don’t know everything about my story. In the general public’s idea, an author is thought to have a very precise idea of everything he writes, to know all about his story. As a writer, thought amateur, I can tell you it is very far from the truth, for me at least. I know what I want to create for my stories, I know what will be liked and what might not be, and I know I don’t care because this is what I want to write. But I also know that I have blanks and things that are blurry all over the place. You see, I don’t really feel, like you might imagine, as the creator of my stories in a sense. What I mean is that I am at the same time the ‘god’ reigning over the universe I imagine, knowing everything and capable of anything I want, like bending the rules or creating new ones. I don’t really feel like that. Of course I am the one who imagine the universe and the characters and the plot, and perhaps I was such an entity at the beginning, when I was still playing ‘who has the most Super Sayan transformations’ with my brother in our garden, but now I feel different.

I feel like I am more of an observer, a semi-omniscient narrator/viewer of the stories I create. I have scenes and ideas that pop into my head but it is difficult to say if I really decided to imagine them or if they came to me, created by the world itself. It’s complicated to make the difference at this point. Of course I still make decisions from time to time, like in Echoes of Power, which is a story about a teenager discovering he can use magic, where I consciously decided what the main character look like to sort of make a point, instead of simply let my imagination follow its own course. I, as a writer, am more of a historian, glimpsing moments and scenes of the story and discovering it piece by piece, than a true godly creator. At least that is how I feel. And I think that I am not alone, I think a lot of other creators are like this. That idea came to me when I was thinking about an eventual interview I might give one day, when I have become rich and famous and people want to know all about my stories, I asked myself: what if they ask me a question I don’t know the answer to? Like, what happened to this character to make him become like this? What if I know that something happened but I can’t say what exactly…? Will it make me look like a bad author? And I realized that no, it wouldn’t. I might be looked at weirdly but what i have created and written doesn’t need to have answers to everything. Realism, making the story believable doesn’t necessarily mean to be able to explain everything, just like with History. Which, ironically, makes this more realistic, more life-like…

Anyways! This is a rant I wanted to get out to you readers and authors, ask as many questions as you want but if you don’t get an answer or don’t get one that satisfies you because you are not okay with what the creator of your beloved story made something different from what you had hoped, remember that in the realm of the story, the author is king. and if he doesn’t have the answer it doesn’t mean something has no explanation, that is where ‘canon’ ends and ‘fanfiction’ begins, where you make the story’s universe your own. Respect the bad and blurry sides of what you love and enjoy, imperfections are what makes something perfect! (Such cool, very philosophy, so wow!)

Okay, that’s all! Thank you for taking the time to read, and sorry if I wasn’t very coherent or clear, I wrote this in one go… Alright, see you people later!

Soar Vandergeid out!


tldr; An author always has the final word, no matter what, even if he doesn’t have an answer.

The Last Unicorn

So recently, well a few days ago actually, I have found myself being completely captivated by a single sentence that popped into my head at some point… I don’t know exactly when or why but it just did. And I couldn’t not think about it…

I have this small notebook you see, to write my ideas whenever I have something that comes to mind so that I don’t forget it and can get back to it later. Well in the middle of a class it sort of came to me and I kept repeating it to myself, over and over, and trying to voice my idea as well as I could, to put the perfect ensemble of words onto what was in my mind. Because you see, what I thought about wasn’t exactly a sentence, it was more like a concept, a feeling, the spark of a great idea that I immediately had to work on.

And it didn’t stop ’til the end of class and even then, I kept repeating it, trying to formulate it as best as I could. I started writing it, saying it out loud at the same time, working on it, re-writing, changing words, changing the order, and for almost and hour I was working on this lone sentence. I couldn’t explain why now but at the time it was evident, I had to do it, I felt this wonderful feeling of imagination, the rush of creation that sometimes takes over when I am working on my stories. So yeah. I just couldn’t help it.

Somehow this single sentence was comprised of an entire universe, it had its own deep meaning, its own complex story, it was a whole new world in and of itself. That is the best way I’ve found to try to describe what was going on it my mind at that time… You know, one of my teachers, who does a class on J.R.R. Tolkien and his whole work, told us that apparently the whole universe he created come from a single word he read in a poem at one point. Well, if you’ve ever heard of that or experienced something of the sort, or if you have felt a strange but exhilarating rush while writing or creating things (the ‘creative rush’ perhaps?) you know what I’m talking about.

So in the end I ended up working almost two hours on that sentence that time and then, for the next few days, kept it in the back of my mind all the time and still tried to make it perfect, I kept repeating it as often as I could to see how it felt. And finally I believe I’ve come up with a somewhat satisfying version of what I had in mind at that time. I can’t be sure because I still keep repeating it to myself now and then, but I feel like it got to a point where I can be proud of it. So here it is, I’m sharing with you the object of most of my creative thoughts of the past few days/weeks :

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‘For in time you will learn to know the wonders of life…’

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Yep. That’s all. I don’t know what t makes you feel or think but this is it. A simple, single, sentence. I don’t know why it came to me, or where from, but I’m glad it did because it somehow inspires me a lot and I feel that someday it might become so much more than just a sentence. Anyways, read it as many times as you want and enjoy! Or not. You choose. I just wanted to share my thoughts on this…

Also! Before you go! There is this video which I HAVE to share with you guys! I don’t know why but it’s a bit like that sentence, I can’t get it out of my mind and keep listening and watching it over and over. It’s so beautiful and moving. I can’t explain why exactly but right now, to me, it is. I don’t know why but some times, I have these things which I obsess over (a song, a video, a poem, …) and for a period I can’t think about/listen to anything else and it sort of becomes part of me and it inspires me and I find this feeling so great that I just have to try to share it! I can only hope that it will perhaps touch you too…

This is happening to me right now with the song The Last Unicorn by Passenger and more specifically the video clip that Nanalew (a Youtuber) made for it. I find it so amazing that I can’t help but share it with you so here you go, enjoy! :) :

And we’ll sit on our single beds
Nothing on our hearts and tears on our threads
For we know the last unicorn is dead