Yep, still alive and kicking, despite what you might think. Well, for today at least. Tomorrow, at dawn, my soul will descend to the flaming infernos of the afterlife as the contract I signed with my blood so long ago takes effect. It has been a short run but oh so fulfilling. I know many of you would think that I was crazy to agree to that and even more if you knew I was the one that started it all, but I simply don’t care, I’ve had what I wanted and I am now contempt with my fate.
I do not fear it, or rather him, nor do I fear her. They both will come tomorrow as the first lights of day appear to guide me to the doors, and you know what? I’m going to follow them with a smile while humming a piece of music I like, perhaps ‘What a wonderful world’, it would be funny. Why am I not afraid? I heard you ask. Well, actually I am a bit scared, I have to admit at least that. Plus, what good would it do to lie now and about that subject?
Yes, I am afraid, afraid of what I’m going to find down there, afraid of what is going to find me. But that is good, at least to me it is, it means I’m still alive and that I’m still part of this world. Once I get there I fear I might not fear again. If I could I wouldn’t go now, I would try some other things, I would go to places, I would make the most of my few years on this earth. Sadly I have to leave, it has been decided, it was the plan since the beginning and I will follow it to the end.
But, hypothetically, if I could? Yes, of course I would, anyone would. I did what I had to do here, what I had set out to achieve, I finished my task and I am contempt of all I have done. But that does not mean I wouldn’t take the chance to see what else there is to see out here, to experience what other things life is made of. It is not that I don’t want to, simply that I can’t. And I have resolved myself to accept this fact and to live with it.
She is dead, he is long gone and the others are safe, that is all that mattered, all that I wanted. It was worth it, all of it. It’s impressive how walking on a beach under the evening stars can clear one’s mind, I don’t think I’ve been this calm or focused for a long time now… It’s really nice to have this final moment in such good company, silence and peace are my good friends and they will follow me ’till the end tonight, as they always have.
I had this idea while writing the Quotidian n°29, I thought about doing a little sketch on having sold my soul to the devil but, well, it became this. Enjoy!